Saturday, March 12, 2016

The Deception of the Emerald Ring, Lauren Willig

You'd think, what with this being the third one in the series, that either these books would get better or I'd stop buying them.

YOU'D BE WRONG.

Complaint #1: The framing device remains the MOST annoying thing EVER. If you want to write Bridget Jones, just do it. But Eloise is so whiny and boy-crazy and self-pitying that she makes me crazy, and all her friends suck and I HOPE SHE DIES ALONE.

Complaint #2: This is the third book, and the POV still jumps back and forth with no warning in the same scene! I was frequently confused about what was going on and why, because I couldn't work out who was narrating.

Complaint #3: The ending SUCKED. The spying and the romance were fine, but the hero's cousin has been menacing his wife all through the book, and finally kidnaps her intent on killing her. She's about to be murdered, fighting for her life, when her husband rushes in to the rescue. Guess what he says to his cousin? "'I could bring you up on charges of attempted murder. I could personally dismember you. Or-' -- Geoff paused, allowing that attractive image to have time to impress itself upon Jasper's imagination --"I could tell your mother."

Do you hear the weird shift in tone there? THE DUDE JUST TRIED TO KILL YOUR WIFE AND FRAME YOU FOR IT. Don't be an asshole and tell his mommy, fuck the dude up or turn him over to the police! What the fuck! This is either DIRE PERIL or it's just a laugh, but you can't switch back and forth. Instead, he makes his cousin promise not to do it anymore, ships him off to India, and tells him that if he tries to kill anyone again his valet will make his suits ill-fitting.

It was a lot of things, as a denoument, but it sure wasn't satisfying.

Anyway, I'm done with these books. DONE. 

Grade: D

Originally posted 2007

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