The Deception of the Emerald Ring, Lauren Willig

You'd think, what with this being the third one in the series, that either these books would get better or I'd stop buying them.

YOU'D BE WRONG.

Complaint #1: The framing device remains the MOST annoying thing EVER. If you want to write Bridget Jones, just do it. But Eloise is so whiny and boy-crazy and self-pitying that she makes me crazy, and all her friends suck and I HOPE SHE DIES ALONE.

Complaint #2: This is the third book, and the POV still jumps back and forth with no warning in the same scene! I was frequently confused about what was going on and why, because I couldn't work out who was narrating.

Complaint #3: The ending SUCKED. The spying and the romance were fine, but the hero's cousin has been menacing his wife all through the book, and finally kidnaps her intent on killing her. She's about to be murdered, fighting for her life, when her husband rushes in to the rescue. Guess what he says to his cousin? "'I could bring you up on charges of attempted murder. I could personally dismember you. Or-' -- Geoff paused, allowing that attractive image to have time to impress itself upon Jasper's imagination --"I could tell your mother."

Do you hear the weird shift in tone there? THE DUDE JUST TRIED TO KILL YOUR WIFE AND FRAME YOU FOR IT. Don't be an asshole and tell his mommy, fuck the dude up or turn him over to the police! What the fuck! This is either DIRE PERIL or it's just a laugh, but you can't switch back and forth. Instead, he makes his cousin promise not to do it anymore, ships him off to India, and tells him that if he tries to kill anyone again his valet will make his suits ill-fitting.

It was a lot of things, as a denoument, but it sure wasn't satisfying.

Anyway, I'm done with these books. DONE. 

Grade: D

Originally posted 2007

The Masque of the Black Tulip, Lauren Willig

Boy, I wish I'd read this some other week, because this book had some parallels to crap that's going on in my real life that made me sort of uncomfortable. But once I got over that, I really liked it. It's less about spy stuff than the first one, and more about ... What in hell was it about? Miles is tall and doofy and falling in love with his best friend's sister. Henrietta has big plans to seduce him anyway, once she works out that what she's thought was annoyance since she was a tot is actually love. 

I still wish Willig would ditch the framing device, because those chapters flat-out suck. But if you skip them, there's a sweet and funny Regency (kinda) romance in here, wrapped in a spy mystery that makes little-to-no sense. It is a perfect beach read, even if you don't normally read romances. (Just, seriously, skip all the present-day chapters. Bleauuuurgh.)

Grade: B

originally posted 2007

The Secret History of the Pink Carnation, Lauren Willig

This was almost a great book. In fact, halfway through I thought that I might have written it in my sleep. The characters were developed and funny, the plot took a while to set up, I couldn't read it all in one afternoon, the romance was convincing, the bubbly heroine wasn't an idiot. 

And yet I'm left with this weird sense of dissatisfaction.

This is the story of two kids in love during the Napoleonic Wars in France; they are both English -- he's a spy and she's trying to become a spy -- and there are lots of capers and masks and rescues and plots. That's excellent. I like my swash nicely buckled. Amy is young and sort of dumb but never does anything so unforgiveably stupid that you wonder why Richard likes her, and Richard is Torn By His Past, but not such a dick about it that you want Amy to kick him in the balls and leave. Even when he lies to her about his secret identity she works it out pretty quickly and makes him pay, so that's okay with me. And she's nicely written; even more than Stupid Bumbling Heroines, I hate Suddenly Awesome Heroines (you know; she's never held a sword before but suddenly she can kick everyone else's asses?). 

But lots of the book just kind of... don't work. I think this is a first novel, and it shows; the author can't quite pick a tone. Some parts are Dashing Regency Romance (and uh... what are the odds Amy would let him put his fingers there on a first date in public?), while others are light-hearted goofy comedy. Particularly in scenes with Richards family Willig is trying waaaay too hard to make everyone funny and witty. I know because I am guilty of this myself when I write; getting bogged down by how clever I can make people, rather than having them make sense. (Why on EARTH would Richard's proper lady of a mother want to go out and spy with him? Why is the no-nonsense chaparone yelling at Napoleon? Etc.)

There is also a wretchedly painful framing device; it's a Brit Chick Lit thing, where Bridget Jones our first-person narrator is looking for papers about the Pink Carnation and the guy who has them is a dick to her for no reason and of course her gorgeous boots get all wet and he has a hot girlfriend she's envious of and it's SO AWFUL. It only pops up in four or five chapters, thank god, because it's really predictable and flat. The book's blurbs tout it as "genre-bending," but why stick in an extra genre if it's badly written?

The secret of the Pink Carnation is also obvious, although Willig throws a twist in at the last second. It feels more like someone said "Um, isn't the identity obvious?" so she switched it in the final draft out of annoyance.

I think there's 3/4 of a really good book in here somewhere. It just wasn't quite polished and finished enough for me. It would be an awesome beach read, however, and I might go find another book by Willig to see if she got better at plots later.

Grade: C

originally posted 2007