The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet, Becky Chambers

I was psyched to read this book, and so disappointed by the end. Maybe if I had realized it was a book that didn't have a plot I'd have looked at it differently from the beginning, but the first chapter teases a tense space escape story about a mysterious woman who has changed her identity and fled to the far reaches of space, and then the book is.... just a picaresque series of scenes on various planets, learning about various alien species and cultures. And that's it.

I just... I needed something to happen, or for actions to have some consequences, or for the exposition to stop. It reminded me a lot of reading Rosemary and Rue, where every chapter seemed to introduce a new type of faerie. Every couple of chapters goes deep into some alien civilization, all the way to the end of the book. But unless it's setting up a bigger plot, I find myself skimming and uninterested.

And there was no larger plot or conflict. They land on a planet; they meet people; they leave. Any time there's something that seems like it might be bad or tense, it's immediately resolved. They land on a planet that has periodic swarms of giant bugs; they are all safely inside when it happens. One of their crew is arrested for being a clone; they find a legal loophole to save him. A ship full of land mines docks up with them; they find the mines and diffuse them. And this all happens quickly, just like that.

It's not the book's fault that I also happen to really dislike the archetype of the wacky, adorable female engineer who's so CRAZY and ADORABLE and scatter-brained, but it drives me nuts, and I don't find it charming.

For space adventures that are exciting, feature lots of weird aliens, are creepily atmospheric, and compulsively readable, I HIGHLY recommend the Paradox books by Rachel Bach. Read that, not this.

Grade: C
#10 in 2017

The Midnight Assassin: Panic, Scandal, and the Hunt for America's First Serial Killer, Skip Hollandsworth

This book is fine, but it reads like it wants badly to be The Devil in the White City. It's never gripping enough, the murders are never horrifying enough, and the fact that no one was ever caught or even really suspected leads the author to speculate wildly with no conclusions. The writing is a little bit weak. The sheriff realizes his deputy is "about as deep as one of those tacks on the board," -- no, he didn't. It's not as bad as the thing I hate most in historical non-fiction; made up conversations between characters. But man, it's not great, either. The author wants so badly for this to be fascinating and keeps dragging Jack the Ripper into the story for comparison (he was only a couple of years later) but frankly, I wasn't convinced by the evidence presented that the "Midnight Assassin" killings were all done by the same person, let alone by a serial killer, and certainly not by Jack the Ripper. Just go read The Devil in the White City (and then try to sleep, ever again). Grade: C #3 in 2017

Just One Damned Thing After Another, Jodi Taylor

I wanted to like this SO MUCH. It has a great premise -- time traveling scientist historians! Unfortunately, the writing doesn't hold up to the idea. The whole thing is told instead of shown -- our narrator will declare, "No one liked him, because he was such a jerk. But then I decided to give him a chance," and there is no example of him being a jerk, nor of why she wants to give him a chance. Things are just declared. The same with the historical action adventure scenes. They are sort of generally described as after the fact events. The book has the tone of wanting to be the Eyre Affair, but without the wit. I read 25% and decided I had other things to spend my time on.

Just go read the Eyre Affair, honestly.

Grade: DNF
#82 in 2016

Hotter Than Ever, Elle Kennedy

This book wasn't for me. I'm near the target demo. I'm in sight of the target demo. This author was one of the authors of "Him" and "Us," two of my very favorite romance novels. I can tell why this novel was great for what it is. It just wasn't for me.

So: Claire is jilted at the altar by her cartoonishly uptight husband, who proceeds to go on the honeymoon without her. His brother Dylan, whom Claire has never liked, takes her home with him for a few days so she can get a break from all the sympathy. Dylan, who is a SEAL, is shockingly hot; so his his "roommate," Aidan, who is in Navy intelligence. Claire, who is also stunningly gorgeous -- even without makeup!! -- realizes the two guys are actually together, but they tell her they bring home women all the time, because they're bi and can't live without pussy. (They say so.)

Guess what happens?

You know what happens.

If what you want is a lot of very explicit sex scenes, including m/m, threesomes, dirty talk, and a lot of the word "sexy juices" then this book is for you. There isn't a ton of plot; Claire isn't sure she's a threesome kind of girl, but it turns out she is. Her parents disapprove. Her cartoonishly evil ex tries to ruin things. Love triumphs.

For me, there wasn't enough character (all three of them are mostly described as "sexy"; we know Aidan has secret sadness but he immediately tells Claire what it is; Dylan turns out not to be a bad guy after all) and there was no angst or pining, two things I require in romance. I'm a lot more interested in the build up to the fucking than the actual fucking itself. I want complicated feelings and misery. (Misery is pretty key for me.) This is a straightforward story about threesomes and the beautiful, sexy people who have them. So close, but not quite what I wanted.

But if you haven't read Him or Us by Elle Kennedy and Sarina Bowen, for god's sake go do it. M/M hockey romance that is flat-out amazing.

Grade: C
#68 in 2016

Ruthless: Scientology My Son David Miscavige, and Me, Ron Miscavige

I'm a little bit obsessed with Scientology.

If you know anything about Scientology (like if you've watched Going Clear, or read Going Clear) you can skip this book. Most of what Ron Miscavige says is just confirming stories other people told about Gold Base and his son David. If he didn't witness something personally, but it's a well-known rumor (like the infamous musical chairs interlude) he'll say, "I have no doubt that really happened, because I know my son." There's really no new information here about Scientology, and in fact, he doesn't really explain much about Scientology or its beliefs. For example, he throws out "I know this will anger many scientologists, but auditing is basically just talk-therapy as it has been practiced since the days of Freud," without really explaining any part of that sentence. I've read a thousand Scientology tell-all books, so I know that L. Ron Hubbard hated psychiatrists and Scientology treats considers them one of their top enemies. Without that context, though, I wonder how interesting this book is.

Honestly, Ron Miscavige seems more interested in telling us about his difficult first marriage and career as a musician, which takes up about half the book. Twenty-seven years in the Sea Org is boiled down to about 1/4 of the book, and the last part is about how terrible the policy of disconnection is, and what life has been like since he left Scientology. Interesting, but not the juicy memoir it could be.

If you want Scientology celebrity gossip and crazy stories, read Leah Remini's book, Troublemaker. If you want "holy shit, Scientology does WHAT?" stories, read Jenna Miscavige Hill's book, Beyond Belief. And if you're new to Scientology or want a well-researched overall story of Scientology, read Going Clear.

Grade: C
#42 in 2016

The Rook, Daniel O'Malley

Listen, if I never read another "There is a secret government agency that handles all the supernatural beasties in the world" book it will be fine with me. As a genre, I have had more than enough of it. And while it is occasionally brilliant -- Ben Aaronovitch's books are fantastic, and I love them -- it's usually not worth slogging through another one that makes me wish I were watching Men In Black or reading KJ Charles.

With that out of the way, I enjoyed this book. It's got a nice plot twist. Our heroine's mind has been erased and she starts out the book in a rainstorm, surrounded by the dead bodies of all the men who just tried to kill her. Then she has to go back to her job at the top secret government agency that handles magical whoosits, pretend she knows what's going on, and figure out who's trying to kill her.

I think the book was meant to be funny? I'm not 100% sure, though. In her former life Myfanwy Thomas was shy and scared and meek; since she's had her memory erased she has no fucks left and tells everyone where they can stick it. There's a certain type of "I've had such a long day, you wouldn't believe," narration, where I get that it's supposed to be funny, but there weren't actually... any... jokes? Like, her name, Myfanwy. (We are told early on: rhymes with Tiffany). Clearly supposed to be, if not laugh-out-loud funny, then quirky. I think the book was looking for that very-hard-to-hit line between spooky/creepy and quirky/funny. David Wong's John Dies at the End does a great job of nailing that. This book was just... I mean, it was a fun read. I read the whole thing in a weekend, which required some real dedication. I liked reading it. I enjoyed reading it. It never made me laugh, and it never got atmospheric enough to creep me out.

Put it this way: I haven't pre-ordered the second book in the series. I might totally read it, though. I just don't feel any pressing need to jump into the next one, or a burning anger that it isn't out yet. Meanwhile I've had the next Aaronovitch pre-ordered since last summer, and they keep changing the release date, and it's agony. Gimme that book! (If you haven't read that series, pick up Midnight Riot, the first one, and set aside a couple of weeks to read all of them. What a delight.)

Grade: B

#26 in 2016