Stand-In Groom, Suzanne Brockmann

This is exactly the kind of romance novel I would read forever. It has a completely absurd premise, excellently hot sexual tension between the leads, and a satisfying conclusion. She can't inherit her trust fund unless she gets married, so she strikes a deal with a man she just met; she'll pay him to pretend to be married to her. 

There is some mild weirdness about how, as a feminist, she is terrified to feel like she "belongs" to him, but otherwise the moral is "treat each other well, be honest with each other, compromise and respect each other." AND it's a Brockmann with no condom whoopses or men longing to have babies!

Grade: B

Originally posted 2010

Hot Pursuit, Suzanne Brockmann

Who makes these titles? She's already written a Hot Target. Anyway.

On the plus side: No one gets pregnant! And the book has lots of Jules and Robin!!

On the other hand...

Wow, Danny Gillman is a douche. I don't know how I was supposed to find him attractive as a hero. He hits on our heroine because she's tall and fat and therefore easy, and won't mind when he dumps her. Seriously, that's his reasoning. And she keeps saying "No," and he keeps overwhelming her with very very calculated smooth moves. At one point he cries, and she realizes he's squishy inside and falls for him, and then we switch back to his POV and it was totally on purpose! (Never mind that it probably wasn't, because the dude has issues.) That's REPREHENSIBLE. Then at the end she overhears his big "Date ugly chicks 'cause they're easy" philosophy and storms out, and he tries to tell her she's misunderstood. Dude, she understood you PERFECTLY. 

Bah. On the plus side, the book's mostly about Sam and Alyssa and how cute their baby is, while they go after a serial killer (who is really after Alyssa). With bonus awesome Jules and Robin helping out. 

Grade: B for the Sam and Alyssa and Jules and Robin; D minus minus for Danny Gillman.

Originally posted 2009

Dark of Night, Suzanne Brockmann

ANOTHER FREAKING PREGNANCY. BY MISTAKE.

I don't know, there's a lot of shooting and running and Jules and Robin show up and are awesome, and I really kind of liked the receptionist who everyone assumes is a bimbo (but who is really all K. Clarkson "I do not hook up,") and her willingness to explore very mildly kinky sex games.But I could have done without her macho marine love interest bragging to himself that he could have her any place, any time, anywhere, and I really, really didn't appreciate the plot point that meant she spent half the book with no pants on. For serious? I won't even get into the stupid love triangles. 

Grade: D

Originally posted 2009

Into the Fire, Suzanne Brockmann

I love Brockmann (GO READ HOT TARGET) and I love this series, but boy is she weird about pregnancy. This book gives her three different opportunities to be weird about pregnancy, and they all skeeved me out. 

Spoilers:

First she does her classic, "Oh no, we didn't use a condom, maybe we will have a baby, OH BOY I HOPE SO!" male freak out. (Surely there must be some men in the universe somewhere who would not be excited to have a baby, but Brockmann's never written them.) Then there's a pregnant teenager who convinces one of the SEALs to marry her. Or, well, I guess it's his idea, since he is in love with her instantly because she is pregnant. (Men love babies! Especially babies that aren't theirs!) At one point the pregnant teenager sees someone looking at her funny and decides the other woman is jealous of the magic that is her unborn fetus. (All women want babies, too!)

But I really got freaked out over the relationship between the teenager and her SEAL. I get that it's True Love but they haven't realized it yet, so they make a deal when they get married. She feels beholden to him (understandably so), and he doesn't want her to, so he starts... making rules? Like, he can cheat, but she can't. (She immediately says, "I wouldn't!" all offended, because they HAVE known each other for a whole two days. And she's supposed to be a wild child.) That really creeped me out. He gets all upset that she's acting like she's going to be his sex slave, but when they have sex he's totally turned on by her kneeling for him and undressing him. 

Meanwhile there's some plot and stuff, too. Someone killed someone and there's some kidnapping and running around and shooting. This book suffers from having 9 million characters all of whom have their own plots. And even though it pissed me off, I have to go read the next one because I need to know what happens to Dave. (OMG, Dave!)

It's just a hot mess, basically. Go read Hot Target.

Grade: D

Originally posted 2009

All Through the Night, Suzanne Brockmann

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

There was no chance I wouldn't love this book. Let's be serious. Jules and Robin get married. Mainstream gay romance! The het couple get the (mildly shitty) subplot. AHAHAHAHAHAHA. VICTORY! Plus, all the money from the sales of this book go to MassEquality. So the whole book is what I'd like to refer to as Happy Puppy Cuddle Time. Jules loves Robin! Robin loves Jules! Robin gets locked in the basement! Jules is kind of jealous for no reason! Sam, who was originally really homophobic is now Jules' best man and learning to deal with Robin! EVERYONE LOVES EVERYONE IT IS HAPPY PUPPY CUDDLE TIME.

Er. Sorry.

This is the best book I have ever read. I mean, for a certain, narrow definition of "good" which means "makes me happy." Happy beyond all reason. Happy beyond the possibility of explanation. ROBIN AND JULES GOT MARRIED, YOU GUYS!

I just can't say enough nice things about this whole series. You should all run out and pick up Hot Target immediately, the book where they meet, and then enjoy the fuck out of a really well-written love story between two hot guys. 

Grade: A++++++

Breaking Point, Suzanne Brockmann

Aaaaaand I'm all caught up on the Brockmann books, well before the next one comes out at the end of October. Thank you, paperbackswap.com for enabling my habit.

So if Jules is normally a bit of a Ken Doll (because he's gay, you see, so he's pretty and short and non-threatening) then in this book he gets to be G.I. Joe. Interestingly this is the first book where the SEALs don't even make an appearance, but the three men in it are totally bad-ass; Grady Morant, who was tortured in a tropical prison for three years, Max Bhagat the FBI's top negotiator, and of course Jules Cassidy, who is competent and smart and who seriously needs to stop using the word "Sweetie" all the time. (Confidential to Brockmann: I know you have a gay son, but does he actually call his boss 'sweetie'? Doesn't he get fired for that shit?) 

The plot goes a little something like this: Max and Gina kiiiiiiiiinda got together in the last book, but as we find out here he was a dumbass and dumped her so she went to Africa without him, where she met up with the awesome woman from Indonesia a couple of books ago, and they both help girls escape from female circumcision. AWESOME. Then Grady shows up, finally convinced he's gotten rid of all the guys trying to kill him, and a lot of dirty sex ensues. (Max and Gina also have tons of dirty sex, via flashback.) Only this is the least romantic romance novel ever, because Max gets a phone call that Gina's been killed by terrorists and totally loses his shit, and only Jules keeps him from, quite literally, killing several people. Jules and Max have to figure out if Gina's dead (she's not) and where she is and then fight off half the army of East Timor. Jules finally finally gets to kick some major ass (he doesn't get any lovin', but that's because the next book is Force of Nature, which, as you know, features JULES AND ROBIN!!!). Max gets tons more character development. Grady remains hot. And for all the dirty, dirty sexin' it's way more of an action-adventure book about running and blowing things up and stuff. 

I will say it's a weirdly different tone than most of the rest of the series. I think it's partially because of all the flashbacks and partially because it's mostly FBI action and no SEALS. I liked it, although it didn't make my heart sing like most of the other books featuring Jules. Max and Grady are also awesome, and Gina and uh, the other woman (you can tell I forgot her name and am too lazy to go get the book, right?) are both super-great. There's a lot of babies, though. Must every woman find fulfillment through babies? 

Y'all just wait until All Through The Night  comes out. I can't even talk about it.

Grade: B

Originally posted 2007

Into the Night and Gone Too Far, Suzanne Brockmann

Seriously, the titles? Mean nothing. It's kind of kooky. I have no idea which one is which by the titles. 

The nice thing about the series is lots of people are introduced and they eventually get books of their own. We met Max in book three, and he doesn't get a real plot line until Gone Too Far. He won't get his HEA for another two books. We met Mike back in the second book and he got a plot line in the third one, but he finally gets his own story here. We met Sam and Alyssa back in the first book, and it's taken them this long to even start talking honestly to each other.

Mike and his girlfriend's story is sort of "eh..." not because I didn't like either of them, but because by the end of the book I was convinced they had a decent friendship, not a burning HEA romance. I was much more interested in the background story about Mary Lou and Sam finally breaking up. See, a couple of books ago Sam knocked up his one night stand right when he was on the verge of finally getting together with his one true love. And in a plot point that annoyed the shit out of me, he "did the right thing" and married her. Only during these two books his wife, Mary Lou, who was introduced as a hateful, racist, shrill, stupid, harpy, finally realizes how miserable she and Sam are, and that the "marriage" has ruined both of their lives. Plus we finally get some backstory about why Sam thought it was his only option, only to discover that he was WRONG because he was just a kid when he heard all this crap. Mary Lou, meanwhile, gets a really decent character makeover, which made me happy. 

It's also a satisfying couple of books (it's really the same story split in half, except Mike disappears after the first one) with the same bad guy. There's a good plot line about an American Muslim falsely accused of being a terrorist, and a nice amount of Jules cameos. (Hi Jules! Hi!) Even better we get an update on my favorite totally dysfunctional couple in the series, Max and Gina. In a nice break from the standard "Oh woe we cannot be together for I have self-esteem issues and bad parents!" there are actual obstacles to Max and Gina's love. He's 20 years older than she is, for one. And when they met he was rescuing her from being gang raped. So they both have a buttload of issues to deal with. (Issues that are not totally resolved here, either; they show up again in the only book I have left to read.)

Good books, but they are perhaps not meant to be mainlined like this. I think I'd be happier if I were reading one a month. That's not going to stop me from re-reading Force of Nature because JULES AND ROBIN. Then I'll have about a month to kill before the follow-up.

Grade: B

Originally posted 2007

Force of Nature, Suzanne Brockmann

You know, the other day I asked someone if I read more than most people. And she was all "...Duh." But it didn't seem possible to me because if I had my druthers I'd spend all day every day lost in a really good story with characters I adore. And that's how I've read TWO BOOKS in ONE DAY. Oh, Jules. (I swore I wouldn't buy it in hardcover. That lasted 48 hours.)

JULES AND ROBIN!!!! I almost can't textually render my love of these characters. Again they don't get to be the lead story because they're gay, but again Brockmann kind of gets that and makes the lead story as unobtrusive as possible. The hetero leads have known each other since they were kids, and they get together. They yell at each other a lot, too. I really liked her; she's ass-kicking and shoots better than he does (and he's a former cop). He's cool, too, and if they had been in any book except the one where Robin finally gets his shit together, I'd have been fascinated. Unfortunately they just couldn't stand up to JULES AND ROBIN!!!

Sorry.

So Robin, for all three books we've known him, has been a black-out drunk in total denial of his alcoholism. Plus, he's a big action movie star, and coming out would tank his career. Jules works for the FBI and he's already out, but suddenly his super-man boss is making noises about having Jules replace him when he retires, which might not happen if Jules is too out-and-proud. They are desperately in love, except for the part where Robin won't admit he's gay and Jules won't be anyone's dirty secret. There is one scene in particular, where Robin all but begs Jules to come home with him, and Jules essentially says "I'd marry you and stay with you forever... All you have to do is hold my hand in public." And Robin can't. OH THE PAIN.

Anyway, Jules is in charge of a major operation in Florida where Robin just happens to be promoting a movie, and between getting shot at and run-ins with the local mob boss they keep sleeping together, despite the fact that Jules knows it's a terrible idea. (Brockmann isn't allowed to get as vivid with the gay sex as she can with the hetero sex, and in one case really confused me. For some reason when they get naked they both put on condoms. I was all "Um.... What are they planning to DO, exactly? Eh?" Still, she gets them both naked before she fades to black, which is more than I expected.) And somewhere in the midst of all this trouble Jules has to deal with the possible loss of an agent he's responsible for, and Robin's drinking, and the biggest "oh no!" of all, which turns out to be YouTube. Hint: Closeted actors should watch out for camera phones.

In short, Jules finally gets his Happily Ever After. I love nothing like a good drawn-out love story and it's taken Jules and Robin three books to get their shit together. AND THERE WILL BE A SEQUEL ABOUT THE WEDDING, AAAAAAAAAA. <--- noises only dogs can hear. !!!!

Grade: A
Originally posted 2007

Hot Target, Suzanne Brockmann

I am pleased to report that this book rocks. I may have stayed up until midnight last night and then read all morning at school. This is why Brockmann gets the benefit of the doubt from me; this is a thriller and a love story plus -- MAJOR BONUS POINTS -- one of the subplots is a gay romance. 

Brockmann can tell, obviously, that the subplot is more interesting than the "real" plot, so the hetero couple get together really quickly with a minimum of fuss. She's a movie producer being threatened because she's making a flick about a WWII pilot who was gay. He's a temporary bodyguard and Navy SEAL. They fall in love, she almost dies, the end. (I'm not being fair; they're both interesting characters I would have liked a lot in another book. But I just kept skimming ahead because...)

The good part is where her younger brother, the star of the movie and an infamous womanizer, suddenly finds himself for no obvious reason obsessed with the FBI agent assigned to her (Jules, who's been popping up here and there in the series all along). Jules has absolutely no interest in being a straight-boy's experiment, plus, his ex-boyfriend (an actor, of course)   just showed up in town and wants, in his own self-centered way, to apologize to Jules. Kinda. Just in case Jules can get him a job on the aforementioned movie. Got all that? There's no happily ever after, here, (this is another of Brockmann's drawn-out plot lines, with Jules, Robin, and Adam all showing up off and on in books for the rest of the series) but there is quite a bit of growth. Adam might not be the creep Jules thinks he is. Robin is certainly not as straight as he claims to be. Jules is really bad at telling people no. It's awesome.

This goes back, of course, to my love of stories about relationships. I like a good background story -- saving the world will do, or nearly anything that gives characters a chance to be brave and adventurous. (This is where my dislike of most modern fiction comes to play; I don't caaaaaaaaaare about people who've broken up or have dead friends or go to work. I can do all that myself.) But mostly I want to read about people with complicated feelings and relationships. 

Grade: A

originally posted 2007

Flashpoint, Suzanne Brockmann

Boy this book made me mad. And not because it's a bad story; it's a perfectly good story told badly. That makes me much, much angrier. And it's weird because Brockmann is a good author who normally doesn't make all the faux pas in this book.

First, no matter what the blurb on the back says, the primary story here is a love story between the two male principals. Sure, there's a woman, but she's mostly boring. How did Nash and Decker meet? Why are they an inseperable, unstoppable team? Why does Decker trust Nash so much when Nash is totally fucked in the head? Why does Nash listen to and trust Decker alone in the world? Why is Nash so fucked in the head? When did they fall in love? I just don't care that much about which of them ends up with Tess (who is BORING) because I'm so caught up in the (totally unexplained!) man!angst. Nash is trying to think of something bad enough to do that Decker won't want to work with him anymore, and Decker is worried Nash is in trouble and they clearly adore each other but no one will tell me WHY.

Second, this book is heinously guilty of tell-don't-show. Not once but twice the main couple has sex -- offscreen. It would be one thing if the book was prudish, but there are three other vivid sex scenes, so I kind of don't get it. They're kissing, cut to someone else, cut to him taking the condom off and her angsting about it for the next ten chapters. Later, Nash gets captured by the bad guys in what ought to be a really pulse-raising scene, but we hear about it from him later, once he's home and clearly safe. The Big Plan at the end is also at least partially off screen. Tess's escape from a madman's dungeon is mostly off-screen and narrated later. I was never emotionally caught up.

In a nutshell: If you're going to give two characters a complicated emotional relationship you must explain it. If you're going to put characters in peril, you must let the reader experience it. Ugh.

The book's borderline, but I like Brockmann so I'll go with a C.

Originally posted 2007

The Unsung Hero, The Defiant Hero, Over the Edge, by Suzanne Brockmann

I have this problem where if I start a series, I have to read all of them. This is where paperbackswap.com comes in handy. Bookstores never have the first book in a series! 

Navy SEALS on adventures and falling in love. They are action-adventure romance novels, plus... Suspense? Mystery? Romance? Sort of a hodge-podge of all of the above.

Things I like about this series:

• Sam and Alyssa. They just can't get their shit together. Sex, sure, they can manage that. Any kind of conversation? Not going to happen. That's so refreshing! It's been three books and they're just not working out. 
• Flashbacks to World War II. If the idea of a romance taking place during Dunkirk, or the forbidden love between a Jewish boy and a Danish girl, does nothing for you, I just can't understand you at all. The only thing better than military romance is military romance during WWII.
• A gay character! And he's kind of swishy, but not in a cringe-worthy way, and the SEAL guys have some issues with him, but he's good at what he does, and he doesn't wear a dress and cry or anything. In fact, I'd be more weirded out if the SEAL guys *didn't* have issues with him. (Plus, eventually he gets his own romantic storyline! I KNOW!)
• Women. When you write about SEALs you have to address the fact that there are no chicks allowed. This is where Alyssa comes in. Most of the women in these books work in the military; they are tough and bitchy and occasionally sexually harassed. It's sort of mildly realistic!
• Not every storyline ends in happily ever after. Not every story is a mad-lib. (I was delightfully surprised by the second book; the hero and heroine don't sleep together! Well, okay, they do, but not until nearly the last page. Because they're busy doing things!)

Yes, I ordered the next four off paperbackswap.

Grade: B

Originally posted 2007