Saturday, March 12, 2016

Almost Heaven, Judith McNaught

Are you kidding with this?

I almost put the book down after ten pages, and then in the middle it got readable and then I almost THREW IT OUT THE WINDOW during the last 50 pages, because it was unbearable again. Just. UGH. I wanted a halfway decent Regency romance, maybe with a dashing hero and daring heroine and some escaping out of windows or something. Is that so much to ask?

Actually, the hero is fine. Sorry, Ian. He doesn't deserve my snark -- although he could SHUT UP about Scotland, oh my god, "In Scotland we call it... making love," my ass. Otherwise he is a perfectly suitable Brooding Hero of the Grumpy With Family Issues type.

But if Elizabeth Cameron made me want to poke myself in the eye rather than read on. It's not so much that she's lovely, generous, patient, innocent, devoted, selfless, and beautiful. (Ugh.) It's that the author is so clearly in love with her that the prose becomes unreadable. It's one thing to imply that your heroine is a great person. It's another thing to write things like this:

Elizabeth returned to Havenhurst and sold off every valuable she owned to pay off Robert's gaming debts, her father's gaming debts, and those from her debut. And then she picked up the threads of her life. With courage and determination she devoted herself to preserving Havenhurst and to the well-being of the eighteen servants who elected to stay with her for only a home, food, and new livery once a year.

Who is describing Elizabeth as having courage and determination there? Couldn't the author just say she went home, gave up her posh life to help her family, and let me draw my own conclusions as to her courage? Later on the narration describes her as confronting her husband "looking like a courageous, heartbroken angel." Ugggggggh.

In order to impress upon us just how darling poor Elizabeth is, she is constantly being victimized, and she always responds with grace and forgiveness. (Barf.) She is caught in a scandale that ruins her engagement -- but she forgives Ian for tricking her into meeting him. Her friend betrays her and Elizabeth helps her out anyway. Her brother tricks her and Elizabeth helps him, too. Ian tries to divorce her and Elizabeth gives a speech about how some day he'll forgive her and she'll be waiting to hug him and cry and tell him she loves him. And everyone in the book constantly discusses how poor, darling, lonely, brave Elizabeth needs them! Maybe if she's so freaking awesome she could do some of this stuff for herself, you think?

Grade: D, but only because I made it to the end without actually throwing the stupid thing.

Originally posted 2008

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