June Goals

My goal this month is to read down my totally bananas "to read" folder on my kindle. No new books, even if they are super great deals, or ridiculous sales.

This is going to be so difficult.

Mr. and Mr. Smith, HelenKay Dimon

I gave this three stars on goodreads, but you should go pick it up anyway. On the one hand, it's exactly what it says in the title -- he's a spy! Then he realizes he's dating a spy who may or may not be a bad guy! Everyone shoots at everyone! Chasing! Shooting! Escaping! Angry sex!

On the other hand, one of our main guys is almost unforgivably slow on the uptake, especially considering he's supposed to be a super spy. It doesn't make the book unreadable but boy did I shout at it a lot.

Minor spoilers (although... it's all right there in the premise anyway): Fisher Braun, undercover CIA guy, comes home to his secret London flat to find his secret boyfriend whom no one was supposed to know about, missing-presumed-kidnapped. Fisher's boyfriend didn't know Fisher was a spy, either. So Fisher and his spy bff run off to the kidnapping site and promptly get themselves kidnapped, too. When Fisher wakes up, tied to a chair, there's his boyfriend Zach, who gloats a lot about how dumb Fisher is for not having realized that Zach knew everything all along, mwahahaha.

The thing is, though, that while the real bad guy is interrogating them, Zach deliberately lets wrong information about their sex life slip a couple of times. Fisher finds this infuriating. Then Zach puts something in Fisher's pocket. Fisher finds this confusing. Then Zach offers to do the torturing himself, and the zapping with electricity doesn't seem to hurt as much as it should. Fisher finds this... infurifusing. When the other badguys leave, Zach unties Fisher and insists he shoot Zach and then escape, because Zach says he is also undercover CIA and his cover will be blown.

The whole rest of the book, basically, is about poor angry, confused Fisher, who feels like Zach has lied to him and can't be trusted, and is definitely evil, no matter how many other characters decide he's probably not. The number of abrupt changes of heart Fisher has is honestly hilarious. The number of times they fuck and then yell at each other about trust, or Zach tries to explain yet again that he was undercover, or Fisher loses his shit because Zach lied about who he was (while Fisher was doing the same thing)... Man, this book is bananas.

It's also a very fun read, and I'm going to pick up the sequel when it comes out. If a book with torture and shooting and some very angry sex can be a romp, then it's this one.

Grade: C
#49 in 2016

Triple Jeopardy, Rex Stout

I have the worst book hangover. How does one get past the end of the Lymond Chronicles? Last night me and a couple of friends, whom I've made read Game of Kings, went out and drank, and basically performed an episode of Drunk History about Scotland in the 1500s. But they haven't read the whole series and there are a lot of things I can't yell about yet. Sigh. Makes getting excited about other books hard.

Anyway. This Nero Wolfe collection of short stories was published in 1952, and wow, is it VERY 1952. In the first short story, a family finds out their murdered son was a Communist, but he claimed to have been undercover for the FBI, infiltrating Communists. In the second, Wolfe helps two illegal immigrants escape the police. The immigrants met in a concentration camp in Russia, which is why they don't have papers. And in the third, a man who writes comic books frames Archie for murder. Commies, concentration camps, and comics. You'd guess this was published in the 50s, for sure.

Anyway, I guessed the answer to the first mystery, I really liked the second one (Archie does some spectacular lying) and I loved the conceit of the third, with Archie framed for murder, and Wolfe so angry about it that he sort of loses his mind, briefly. Rex Stout writes a very satisfying short story.

Grade: A
#48 in 2016

Checkmate, Dorothy Dunnett

Where have I been? Well, I have been reading this book (kindle estimated reading time: 15 hours) and then ALSO accidentally rereading the 1st book in the series, because I know someone reading it who wanted to ask questions, and -- anyway, all the Dunnett. ALL OF IT.

So how to talk about the last book in a series, without spoiling the whole thing? Honestly, it would be hard to spoil if you hadn't read 1-5 because you won't know who everyone is or why they're so important, or why I cried so hard at the end. Books one and two are comedy-action-adventure, with a gut punch of feelings at the end. Three and four are action-adventure but the serious kind, with life or death hanging in the balance and our hero relentlessly pursuing justice and/or revenge no matter what the cost. Five was his attempt to run away from his friends, family, and feelings, but because he is This Kind of Hero, six is where he is dragged back to face all the messes and solve all the problems he's created along the way. We get most of our assembled band of heroes back, we get war on a grand scale, and we get, finally, the romance that kicked off in the last book.

You'd either love or hate the way the book treats the romance; it gets very nighttime soap opera "oh my god, PLOT TWIST, THEY CAN NEVER BE TOGETHER, OR CAN THEY??????" They are soulmates, and the book makes it very clear that they not only literally complete each other but basically read each other's minds and are connected in their very souls. This is fine with me, because if Francis is the smartest guy in Europe, and the most ruthless, and the hottest trash fire, then she (I am being deliberately ambiguous) is smarter, more sensible, and puts up with none of his self-pitying bullshit. She's better than he is, which he realized at the end of the last book. Every character in the series has a strong opinion on either them being soulmates who must be brought back together, or that they will only ruin each other and must be separated. The Queen of Scotland has an opinion. The King of France has an opinion. Nostradamus has an opinion. It is both hilarious and hilariously over the top, and I love it -- but I'm happy to read a romance about two people who really genuinely complete each other, even if it gets so poetic and mildly ridiculous that at one point the entire French army appears to be discussing whether or not Francis will die if he can't have sex with her. (That happened. It was great.) This is, gloriously, historical fan fiction, which is to say Francis is a Mary Sue of the highest order, and so like any good fic protagonist, everyone is absolutely obsessed with his love life. Also, everyone loves him even when he doesn't deserve it (and bless the characters who smack him when he needs it). But also HE NEEDS A LOT OF LOVE, HE'S SO SAD, SECRETLY.

With 22 minutes left in the book, I was absolutely sure (even though I've read it before) that there was no possible happy ending. And then with 5 minutes left in the book, I was sobbing with joy. It's a beautiful end to the series. It wraps up a lot of things, and leaves the future of the characters delightfully open to what might happen next. Francis says over and over that he's retiring, but a character like his would never really just go home forever. Everyone in these books feels so amazingly real, I can't believe that half the characters are fictional. I'm going to spend a lot of time rereading the last few pages to make sure the happy ending really did happen, and imagining how beautiful all their futures are going to be.

Grade: A
#47 in 2016

Rivers of London: Body Work, Ben Aaronovitch

I usually don't even try to read graphic novels because I am terrible at figuring out what the hell is going on. I like words, not pictures. When I read a graphic novel I usually just look at all the dialogue, and end up super confused about what happened.

But I love the Rivers of London series, and the newest book was delayed (now a friend in the UK is going to send it to me in August instead of waiting for November -- November! What kind of bullshit is that, releasing a book months earlier in one country? It doesn't even require translation!) so I decided to look at the graphic novels. Body Work is the compilation of the first set of comics that go along with the Rivers of London books -- kind of a side adventure for Peter and everyone.

I liked it a lot! I'm not great at decoding pictures, but it only confused me a little here and there, and I stopped and went back and double-checked what was going on. Peter doesn't look quite right (he looks too cool, honestly; I never pictured Peter as suave at all) and Toby is cuter in my head, and Molly-in-my-head is eerier. But this is a great mystery story about a killer car that's been broken up and sold for parts, all of which seem to be trying to murder people in various ways. And then Peter and Nightingale find another cursed car from the 1920s, which also tried to murder people. Are the cases connected? (Of course). Is there a twist ending? (Of course).

It's a great little side story while I wait (INCREASINGLY IMPATIENTLY) for the release of the next proper book. It's not as funny as the novels, and it doesn't have some of the things I particularly love about Peter's narration, like the description of architecture and London history. But I liked reading it a lot, and I'll pick up the other one, too, when it's compiled.

Have you read Rivers of London? Because I kind of can't recommend it highly enough.

Grade: A
#46 in 2016

Earth Bound (Fly Me To The Moon Book 3), Emma Barry and Genevieve Turner

Erin kept telling me how much I would love this book, and she was totally, totally right. I love the setting (alternate NASA in the 60s, trying to send a man to the moon). I love Charlie, who is a PhD and works with computers and has steeled herself for a life of everyone underestimating her and refusing to take her seriously, when she's always the smartest person in the room. I even love Parsons, who is kind of a perfectionist jerk, because he treats Charlie with all the respect she deserves. He loves his job and just wants to do it well. She loves her job and does it well, so he doesn't have all the sexist garbage baggage all her other bosses do. It is a match made in math-nerd heaven.

Would you enjoy a romance between two people who love their work, and science, and not having feelings? A romance where they refuse to admit a romance is going on, and pretend it's just (very hot) hook ups in a seedy hotel where they NEVER talk about feelings? A romance where the hero, whom everyone believes is a ball of rage with no ability to recognize other people's feelings turns out to be entirely gooey pudding feelings inside? A romance where the heroine is NOT here for romance because it might interfere with the work that she loves, but sure, she's up for some crazy sex stuff, if you INSIST? (Until the end, of course, when they realize they can have science AND feelings.)

It's just awesome. I liked them both so much, and I liked them together even more.

Grade: A
#45 in 2016

Outlaw Cowboy, Nicole Helm

This is a DNF but I might go back and finish it later. It's not a DNF for being a bad book. If anything, it hits me a little too close to home. Nicole Helm really understands the dark side of small town life; the claustrophobia, the families with dark secrets, the bad boys who make stupid decisions because they're bored and there's nothing to do.

Both the main characters in this book are desperate -- he needs to prove himself, after a lifetime of screwing up, now that he's stopped drinking and his dad is in a wheelchair. She's on the run from the law after some bad choices, hungry, alone, and trying to rescue her sisters from an abusive father. They're both so angry with each other, and they're both so sad and alone. I  that picking the book up to read when I'm having kind of a rough month just doesn't feel like fun.

So it's a DNF, but not because of the book. I'm just not in a place where this is an enjoyable read for me. I do plan to go back and pick it up again when the weather is nicer and I have a lot less stress in my life.

Grade: DNF

Prisoner's Base, Rex Stout

It's always fun when these books break formula. In this one a woman comes to Nero Wolfe and asks if she can stay in his brownstone for a week. He says no, and she gets murdered, and Archie is so guilty-slash-mad about it that he essentially quits and tries to solve the mystery himself. He can't, because he's not Nero Wolfe, but when he gets arrested, Wolfe lets Archie hire him as this book's client.

The mystery is very satisfying, and I solved it at about 94% on my kindle, when Wolfe gave Archie and Inspector Cramer the final clue. I was very proud of myself. Also: Archie went away for the weekend with Lily Rowan. This is important to me, and maybe only me.

Grade: A
#44 in 2016

Star Dust, Emma Barry and Genevieve Turner

This is a very sweet romance. Set in the early 60s at the height of the space program, it's about one of the brave, play boy astronauts who dreams of going to see the stars (before the Russians do) and the not-going-to-be-burned-again divorcee who moves in next door to him in Texas. I loved the setting. I loved the atmosphere -- all the astronauts' wives struggling to maintain a facade of having perfect lives under scrutiny from the press. I loved that Anne-Marie is divorced in an era when divorce was nearly unthinkable. Kit is a very charming hero. Anne-Marie is a little brittle and distinctly unfriendly, but in a way that makes sense.

My one critique of this very charming story, set in a time-period and a place that I'd love to read more romance novels about, is that things are resolved very easily. He doesn't like kids, but Anne-Marie's kids are nice, so he never has a problem with them, and it's never an issue. Her ex husband doesn't come to visit, and no one really seems to mind, certainly not the kids. She's terrified of the scrutiny and judgement, but then decides she loves him, and at the end is happily posing for photos with him. He says he can't have her being a distraction, which understandably hurts her feelings, but the other astronauts's wives tell her "that's just how things are," and then she's okay with it. I wish that some of the problems that were set up had more of a pay off, and more depth to them.

But overall this is a very charming story about nice people who end up happily together, which is exactly what I want in a romance novel.

Grade: B
#43 in 2016

Ruthless: Scientology My Son David Miscavige, and Me, Ron Miscavige

I'm a little bit obsessed with Scientology.

If you know anything about Scientology (like if you've watched Going Clear, or read Going Clear) you can skip this book. Most of what Ron Miscavige says is just confirming stories other people told about Gold Base and his son David. If he didn't witness something personally, but it's a well-known rumor (like the infamous musical chairs interlude) he'll say, "I have no doubt that really happened, because I know my son." There's really no new information here about Scientology, and in fact, he doesn't really explain much about Scientology or its beliefs. For example, he throws out "I know this will anger many scientologists, but auditing is basically just talk-therapy as it has been practiced since the days of Freud," without really explaining any part of that sentence. I've read a thousand Scientology tell-all books, so I know that L. Ron Hubbard hated psychiatrists and Scientology treats considers them one of their top enemies. Without that context, though, I wonder how interesting this book is.

Honestly, Ron Miscavige seems more interested in telling us about his difficult first marriage and career as a musician, which takes up about half the book. Twenty-seven years in the Sea Org is boiled down to about 1/4 of the book, and the last part is about how terrible the policy of disconnection is, and what life has been like since he left Scientology. Interesting, but not the juicy memoir it could be.

If you want Scientology celebrity gossip and crazy stories, read Leah Remini's book, Troublemaker. If you want "holy shit, Scientology does WHAT?" stories, read Jenna Miscavige Hill's book, Beyond Belief. And if you're new to Scientology or want a well-researched overall story of Scientology, read Going Clear.

Grade: C
#42 in 2016

Coming in from the Cold (Gravity Book 1), Sarina Bowen

I'm not going to finish or count this one but I figured I'd type it up to remind myself not to try and read it again. There's nothing actually wrong with this book, but the level of melodrama left me cold, and I didn't think the hero was sympathetic enough to try to keep reading.

So: He's a professional skier with a dark secret - his brother and mom both died from a degenerative disease that left them unable to speak or move over the course of years. He's afraid that now that he's 30 he's about to develop symptoms, too, and doesn't want to tell anyone because of his career. He has decided to never have a relationship or a child, so no one else will ever have to deal with this. He goes so far as to say he never even sleeps with anyone; he fucks a lot but he's always out before morning.

Obviously he meets a nice girl and they get stranded in a snow storm and have sex, and he can't run away. Then they have sex again, this time without a condom, even though he NEVER does that, and then he leaves, and even though he warned her -- and even though he repeatedly and wistfully wishes he could stay and have this kind of life, with a house and a girlfriend, and somewhere to belong -- he vanishes.

When he reappears, obviously, she's pregnant, and he won't tell her anything except he doesn't want her to have the baby, and then he storms away, and she cries, and at this point I gave up. It wasn't fun, he wasn't especially sympathetic, and the level of melodrama had hit critical for me. "NO, YOU CAN'T HAVE MY BABY, BUT I WON'T TELL YOU WHY!" "WAAAAAAAAAAAH, BUT I LOVE YOU AND I WANT A BABY." Just talk to her.

I have loved several other Sarina Bowen books, but this one didn't feel worth finishing. Sorry. Maybe I'll try the second book anyway.

Grade: DNF

Murder by the Book, Rex Stout

It's not this book's fault it's getting a medium "I liked it okay" grade. The vast majority of Nero Wolfe books have been B's because they are exactly the distraction that I need from something else. This book was fine, but I read it to try and get over my The Ringed Castle hangover, and... nothing could have held my attention then, honestly.

There's a murder, but no one knows what it means. There's another murder but no one's sure why. Archie has to date ten different secretaries, which is too many for me to keep straight, before he can even figure out who the suspects might be. Archie flies out to California where he meets some great other characters, but at that point I was overwhelmed with people to keep track of. By the time I found out who the murderer was I barely remembered what was going on. I did, of course, notice the throw away line about Lily Rowan, because Archie looooooves her.

It's not Archie's fault that my heart was still in Tudor England, thinking about heart break and friendship and pining.

Grade: C
#41 in 2016